Sisterhood of the Maternity Pants
by Krista Rodman
Summary: Three out of the four friends are having babies! A silly premise for a story, I know! That's sort of the point. It's borderline parody, but I decided to simply call it humor. Also, this is my first story in this fandom. Reviews will make me write more!
1. Prologue and Chapter One

_Laugh, if you must, at the title. But I swear I'm not making this up. _

_Carmen, Lena, and Bridget were all heavily pregnant together that summer. What about me, you ask? Not I, Tibby, never! You think I'd go along with that kind of crack-pot plan? No way! Brian and I weren't even married just yet at the time, let alone pregnant. _

_I say plan because it sort of was one. Carmen joked in an e-mail that we should all get pregnant together and form the Sisterhood of the Maternity Pants. Now, granted, we were all married or engaged at the time. Lena had Paul, Carmen had Win, and Bee had... no, not Eric, like you were probably thinking. You know what they say about _assume,_ right? No, she wound up living in Alabama married to her childhood sweetheart, Billy. There. Now the scene is set. I was the newly engaged one (to Brian, don't say you told me so) and no way did I intend to waddle down the aisle. I wrote 'no' in fifty different languages, including Greek, and replied to all of my sisters. Funny thing was, Lena and Bee never replied at all..._

_Before we knew it, Lenny, Bee, and Carma were all knocked up and due that summer! And it was I, Tibby, who supplied the Maternity Pants that magically fit them all. I can't take all the credit; the Old Pants chose the New Pants. I simply brought these magical trousers to our annual meeting at Gilda's. I have the entire story captured on film, my greatest documentary to date. Let me rewind a bit and take you back to that fateful day..._

The three Sisters refused to try prenatal aerobics at Gilda's, much to Tibby's dismay. Carmen added that she didn't understand how any sane pregnant woman could stomach such a class, pun fully intended. Tibby argued that most pregnant women weren't sane and received nothing but abuse for the snide comment. This was going to be the summer Tibby learned to keep her mouth shut.

Anyway, as was tradition, they met at Gilda's once again to honor the original Pants... even if Tibby was the only one who could still fit into them this year. Lena set up the candles, Tibby spread out the deformed cheese puffs, the bottles of juice, and the Gummi Worms, and Bridget set up the music but didn't turn it on. Then Lena noticed what she hadn't realized in the dark.

"You're wearing the Pants!" she cried, pointing at Tibby. "That's not how it's supposed to go. We have to lay them out and say the oath..."

"Is there really much of a point this year?" Carmen interrupted, gesturing to her own belly and the bellies of Lena and Bridget. All of them were struggling to get comfortable on the floor of the aerobics studio while Tibby sat contentedly in the Pants.

Bridget sighed. "How depressing."

"Maybe not," Tibby exclaimed, ignoring their complaints and the fact that she was wearing the Pants. "I have an idea. Well, two ideas, I guess. First, I'd like to do a documentary about you all this summer. Since you were so kind enough to come back for the summer and give birth..."

"Well, I wasn't sticking around Alabama," Bee interjected. "Do you know how HOT it gets in the summertime?"

"I feel the same way about South Carolina," Lena added. "I'm so glad Paul didn't say anything when I asked him to move here for me."

Carmen made a funny sound and covered it up with a cough.

"Right, right," Tibby said, hurriedly. "Can I do the documentary then?"

The three remaining Sisters exchanged looks.

"I guess..."

"You're not filming me when I give birth..."

"Right, I second that one..."

"Terrific," Tibby proclaimed, her eyes dancing under the candlelight. The three remaining sisters exchanged looks again. Then Tibby brought out the camera, followed by... the New Pants.

"Tibby, no!"

"Oh, my lord!"

"You're making fun of us, aren't you!" That was Lena, looking wounded.

Tibby turned the camera on Carmen, who had been the first to protest. "Well, the whole thing was your idea, wasn't it?" she said innocently. "Remember your e-mail?"

"It was a _joke_..."

"Well, it doesn't look like it to me," Tibby shot back, with a grin. "Oh, come on, you guys. Be good sports! Look, I have a neat feeling about this. I think it'll bring you all luck as you bring your first babies into the world. I was wearing the Pants when I went shopping today. I even went to the same thrift store where Carmen found the Pants in the first place! And I found this pair of Maternity Pants that..."

She paused mid-speech as Bee pretended to collapse on the floor. But soon, Bridget began to giggle. Lena joined her, followed by Carmen. Tibby's grin grew wider. "... I knew you'd love it."

"But our bellies are different sizes," Lena interrupted, still giggling. "I'm due before Bee and Carmen's having twins..."

"I am NOT!" Carmen protested, with a pout. It wasn't her fault that she was bigger than both of them, even though she was due some time in between. The others began laughing even more. Eventually, Carmen joined in again.

"And you'll be left out, Tib," Bridget added.

"And I'm perfectly fine with that," Tibby answered quickly. She really was; she didn't want to be pregnant yet. "I get to wear the Original Pants all summer while I film the three of you."

Carmen's eyes flickered with delight; the idea was starting to become a little appealing. Even though she seriously doubted these pants would have the same magic. She seriously doubted they'd fit her extra wide behind and belly now. "Try them on, Bee," she said, knowing that it was a lost cause if Bee fit them.

Bridget slid out of her own pants and tried on the Maternity Pants. "Wow, these are comfortable," she remarked. "My others don't fit like these."

Next was Lena's turn. When she peeled off her skirt, Bee made fun of her underwear.

"Ha Ha," said Lena dryly. She pulled up the New Pants and beamed. "Perfect fit! Pretty remarkable. I know I'm bigger than Bee."

"Oh, no, no," Carmen argued. "If they fit me, _that_ will be remarkable..."

Tibby, however, sat back and smiled. She wasn't worried. The Original Pants had told her to buy these new ones. So she, for one, wasn't the least bit surprised when they turned out to be a perfect fit for Carmen, too.

"You really don't feel left out?" Lena asked. But Tibby just shook her head and worked on getting a nice shot of each of them. Lena looked satisfied and turned her attention to her buldge, which was calling attention to itself by hardening and relaxing painlessly. Just enough for her to notice and nothing more. Braxton Hicks contractions; she'd had them for weeks now.

"Same rules apply?" Tibby asked them. "For the New Pants?" She had a copy of the rules handy, written in Lena's neat handwriting. She spread that out next to the Pants, which Carmen had taken off and laid on the floor.

"I think there should be a clause to rule one," Bridget remarked. "If someone's water breaks in the pants, we wash them."

"Definitely," Lena added, wrinkling her nose.

"And rule three is more important than ever," Tibby said, looking at all of them. "None of you are fat. You're all pregnant and glowing and beautiful."

Even Carmen didn't dare to scoff at that. In fact, she nearly cried. Hormones, egads.

Instead of holding hands, they touched bellies. Lena even touched Tibby's flat stomach, sighing slightly out of pure jealousy. Then they said it together:

"To honor the Pants and the Sisterhood

And this moment and this summer and the rest of our lives - "

" - And the rest of _their_ lives," added Tibby.

" - Together and apart."

They all cried.


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: Sorry about the wait! I really do intend to write a complete story. Just keep on encouraging me to update. This is for the five lovely reviews I got - thanks, readers!

* * *

Sadly, their summer plan of making Tibby's documentary together and waiting for babies to arrive was altered. Bridget and Billy, who had planned on living with Paul and Lena this summer, were the ones to receive the sudden change of plans.

The day after the girls met at Gilda's, Bridget got a call from Greta's nextdoor neighbor in Alabama. When the caller introduced herself to Bridget on the phone, Bridget panicked right away. Greta was the closest thing to a mother that she had in the world... and the neighbor sounded like she had bad news.

"Is something wrong?" Bridget was standing in the kitchen at Lena's as she answered the phone. Meanwhile, Billy sat at the table polishing off the last of Lena's apple pie. Lena wasn't home; she was out with Paul buying paint for the baby's room.

"Nothing serious," said Louise, the neighbor on the other end of the line. "Well, not serious like a stroke or a heart attack-" (Bee let out a sigh of relief.) "- but she slipped and fell this morning. It was a good thing we'd planned on lunch together, otherwise who knows how long she would have been there? I knew her ankle was broken as soon as I saw her."

"Oh, no," Bridget murmured. Billy began to rise from his seat, but she gestured for him to sit back down. He lowered himself and she mouthed, "It's okay."

"She's scheduled to have surgery tomorrow. Then in a few days, she should be able to come home. They'll send the physical therapist to the house, you know, that kind of thing. Now, normally, I'd be happy to be around and care for Greta, but we're going to Maine to see my grand-daughter's graduation and then we have a trip planned right after..."

"We're coming home," said Bridet immediately. Billy's eyes bulged. After a few more exchanges with Louise, Bee hung up. Billy stared at her in anticipation. Bee sighed and began to explain everything.

* * *

"Exhibit A," Carmen said. "This one appeared a week ago. It started out small and harmless at first. Then it sort of crept down, day by day, until it reached my belly button. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TIBBY, DON'T ZOOM IN!"

Tibby put the camera down as Carmen hastily yanked her blouse down over her belly. She shot darts at Tibby with her eyes and Tibby giggled nervously. "Ah, the drama of pregnancy. This is really nice of you, Carma. Have I said so?"

The two friends were seated outside together on the front porch of Tibby's apartment. Brian lived in the same apartment complex in another unit. While Tibby would have been happy living with Brian until they got married, he was old-fashioned about that kind of thing. Though Tibby said it seemed as if they already lived together, given the fact that they were constantly together, either at her place or his. It would have saved them a bundle to live together, but Tibby supposed she'd let him win on this one.

"Yes, now where are the strawberries and cream cheese that you promised?"

Tibby's bargaining chips for getting Carmen to put her pregnancy woes on display for the documentary were usually food. Sometimes she threw in a foot rub if she really needed to sell her on an idea.

When Tibby returned with the promised snack, she had the phone in the other hand.

"Uh-huh... uh-huh... oh... oh, no, is she okay? Oh..."

Carmen sat up at attention, straining to hear what was on the other end of the line. All she could tell was that it was Bridget's voice. From the sound of things on Tibby's end, something serious was taking place. Carmen hoped to goodness that there wasn't something wrong with Bee's baby.

"Is the baby okay?" Carmen asked immediately after Tibby hung up.

"It's not about the baby," Tibby assured her. "It's... Greta. Bee's grandma, you know? She fell and broke her ankle and now our summer plans are pretty much ruined. Bee and Billy have to go back to take care of her. They aren't sure how long it'll be."

Carmen sighed. "It was too good to be true," she whined. "This happened the last time we thought we'd have the whole summer together, too. When she went to see Greta the first time."

"Ahem, what's this?" Tibby set the snack tray aside to put her hands on her hips. "We weren't all going to be together that time either. I went to my film camp, remember? Or are you forgetting me? Typical, Carma! Just like you all forgot to tell me you'd all be getting pregnant this summer!"

Carmen sat, silenced by Tibby's outburst for a moment. "... oh my god, are you mad Tibby?"

No answer. Tibby had turned away from her.

"Tibs?" Carmen whimpered.

Muffled giggles were soon heard. And then Tibby was rolling on the ground, laughing at Carmen for actually thinking she was serious. Carmen tried to look mad, but started laughing anyway. She would have been rolling on the ground... if she could roll, but the enormous belly prevented it. Speaking of which, as she laughed, the baby gave a hard kick, possibly annoyed from being bounced around so much.

"Heehee, ow!" Carmen exclaimed. "Hehehe - hey, watch it!"

Tibby had quieted down, but the sight of Carmen scolding her unborn child made her giggle again. "The twins acting up?"

"Tibby!" Carmen reached for the nearest thing - a sliced apple wedge - and hurled it at Tibby. It bounced off Tibby's forehead, much to Carmen's satisfaction.

"I hope you're huge when you're pregnant, too," Carmen spat. "Then I'll constantly make snide comments about you looking like you're having twins. How will you like that, huh?"

More laughter ensued.

"How can we laugh at a time like this?" Tibby suddenly stopped laughing to pose this question. "Bee's leaving us. And Greta's hurt."

Carmen stopped, too. She gave a small sigh and shrugged. "Because there's nothing we can do about it," she said, simply. "I'm not sure when we'll actually get the summer of togetherness we've always dreamed of."

"Maybe when we're ninety..."

"... and in the same nursing home..."

"... sharing the same prune juice."

"Hahaha - ow! I have to stop laughing. She kicks me so hard when I laugh!"

"... she? You're having a girl!"

"... no, I never said that..."

"CARMA'S HAVING A LITTLE GIRL!"


End file.
